How to Cultivate a Wife

Choose a female plant whose shape, appearance and character you find attractive.
Carefully select the right spot for her and tenderly settle her there. [If handled roughly, the stem may break unexpectedly]
These plants usually flourish with a reasonable degree of attention, so be sure to keep well-watered with a strong solution of love and concern –checking that the soil doesn’t dry out- the plant won’t survive if left dry too long.
When watering add a good pinch of humour and a couple of squeezes of cheerfulness. {A little more of each won’t matter}
If the plant seems a little miserable talk gently to it each morning and evening in an encouraging and admiring manner, and you will soon see a marked improvement.
It may also help to change it’s position to where the sunlight of co-operation can reach it more easily, but take care to not let the hot wind of criticism scorch it. It can stand this wind on occasion if its’ from the constructive direction. Otherwise it must be sheltered with a sturdy shade of self-esteem tied round with kindness.
You may sometimes observe a few prickles begin to grow on the stem. Quickly and carefully dust with a good quality understanding applied in fairly large hugfulls, followed by a gentle spray of consideration {you may need to wear gloves!}
The prickles may appear at intervals but almost always respond to the above treatment if it is continued consistently. Of course, no gardener worth his green thumb will omit to supply this precious plant with continuous and copious doses of loyalty.
Will continued care your plant will reward you with years and years of joy in the beauty of its’ blossoms and the sweetness of its’ fruits, which can be harvested at all seasons. If you are careful to follow these suggestions you will discover that on hot or stormy days this plant will become your favourite shady resting place and you will always leave its’ shelter feeling refreshed and heartened.

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